5 users responded " Ideas for the contest? "

"Ideas for the contest?" was posted by and 5 users commented
Andrew the Atheist said,         
April 29 2010

How about photoshop pics of mohammad in different costumes, or other visual forms of blasphamy? I love those.

Postman said,         
May 5 2010

It’s well-known in serious religious circles that the Ark was simply a stable platform for tying off all of the animals, which were filled with helium by Gawd and towed for 40 days.
Some, who obviously haven’t done their Biblical research, (and thus will burn forever and ever), have suggested that Noah invented the industrial blender and poured the animals into the Ark in a semi-liquid state; which were later magicked whole by Gawd.
Others, (also heretics who will know the pain of everlasting fire), have posited the ludicrous idea that Noah invented the Shrink-Ray long before Rick Moranis, stuffed two of every animal aboard, (tiny-ized), and Gawd magicked them larger after they offloaded.

Sarah said,         
May 6 2010

@Postman– I prefer the idea that God shrunk all the animals to fit on the ark. Lots of questions about the ark story in the first place: what about non-animal organisms, mainly plants? What about sea animals? Were they off the (heh heh) hook? How did a guy hundreds of years old manage to build the ark, with no help, in the first place? Why couldn’t god ever get it right without having to kill all the people on earth, except for one, allegedly perfect, family? Akin to the Sodom and Gomorrah story, that part…
If Noah squeezed dinosaurs onto the ark, how come there are none living today?
OK, I could go on…

Postman said,         
May 7 2010

Hmmm, these are interesting theological points, Sarah. Your theory is shared by many well-respected biblical scholars. In case you don’t know, the official name for this theory is “Magic Jesus!!1!” Even more scholarly weight can be added to the argument if you do Jazz Hands when you say it.

Sarah said,         
May 7 2010

@Postman– you can’t fool me! The story took place thousands of years before Jesus was born! How could he have used his magic for the ark?
One thing creation “scientists” never mention is that Noah put *7* pairs of some animals on the ark, so now they need to stretch by seven times how Noah fit them all on. Genesis 7:2. Also, how about organisms that don’t need a mate to reproduce? Was one of each sufficient?
Noah was 600 years old, Genesis 7:6. What a geezer. My mom is only 66 and if I were to suggest that she build a raft, she’d laugh at me.
Also, even Noah’s family doesn’t seem perfect enough to be the only one our loving God saved, as they had a scandal. Ham, Noah’s black son, saw his dad naked! Shameless. Oh, and that story justifies making slaves of black people. Isn’t the bible fun?

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